My First Gay Date...

T'was the Christmas season of 2000, so gifts were to be purchased. I prepared to leave LA (Lancaster, SC) and head to Charlotte to the journeyland that is the Carolina Place mall. On the way I called a buddy and asked him if he wanted to go. For the sake of this blog we shall call this buddy...Clay Aiken. Clay agreed to go and drive seperately to Charlotte because I live far out in the country, so we just meet up there...


CLUE #1 THAT THIS WAS A GAY DATE

First we go around to some stores and I get most of my presents and Clay gets most of his. This shopping outing takes around 3 - 4 hours; that's about 1-4 hours longer than I wanted it to last...


CLUE #2 - DINNER

After this lengthy excursion and the fact that I have been conditioned into thinking that I must eat at the mall when I go, we went to find something to eat. Clay being the gentleman that he is offered to pay for the meal. I mean I'm not going to turn a meal down. Who would; right, ladies?


CLUE#3 - A MOVIE

After I stuffed myself with free lo mein and general Tsao's, I was ready for a long "-*Itis" filled evening in LA to hangout with my sister, but those thoughts were curtailed as I was tempted with going to see "Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon." I initially declined, for the porcelain throne was calling my name, but then the clincher came when Clay said, "its on me," and i was there like a stuck up girl on a one time date. I walked with him to the booth as he ordered both of our tickets...


CLUE#4 - THE GIVEAWAY

Deep within a tragic scene of the movie with much blood shed and anticipation in the air, I felt a weight heavier than gravity, yet lighter than an anvil. I knew it had to be none other than a male arm. I looked Clay in the eyes and told him the words no lover wants to hear in the heat of the moment, "I have to poop; Ill be right back," and just like that the date ended. I left with my presents, the Itis, half a subtitled movie and I guess my dignity...
or did I?



*Itis is that feeling you get after you have eaten a lot and you feel really tired, but also goofy. You typically get tickled really easily when you have the Itis which then leads in uncontrollable laughter. Its a true condition. Additional side effects include pooping and in extreme circumstances "wildin out and gettin violent"